As a writer, one of my areas of interest is historical fiction. When choosing a book or a movie, I prefer serious, oftentimes sad, stories. While I love my share of rom-coms and happy endings, I think that there is something we can learn from stories of sacrifice and grief.
I recently discovered the Broadway musical, Miss Saigon. It tells the story of Kim, a young girl who is in Saigon during the Vietnam War. She works as a prostitute to survive and make money and one day, she meets an American GI, Chris. This story does not sugar-coat the reality of war. Content Note: This musical is for mature audiences only.
There are some lovely songs in this musical score like "The Last Night of the World," or "Sun and Moon." Yet, i found a surprising gem in the middle of the show. "I'd Give My Life for You," is the song Kim sings to her son. It is at once a lullaby, a prayer, and a raw, earnest plea. When I heard it, I replayed the song over and over, as it's lyrics capture the thoughts of a mother for her child.
As an adopted woman, I can see this aching song relating to my birth mother in Russia. Yet, and this is what makes the song so poignant, the same lyrics can also apply to my adoptive mother.
"You didn't ask me to be born. You-- why should you learn of war or pain?
Orphans don't choose to be orphans. While I can't speak for all adopted kids, nor do I know exactly why I was put up for adoption, Kim's wish as her mother - to protect her child from pain - is deep and true. She knows she can't care for him and wants him to have a better life. The same is true for my birth mother. Likewise, my adoptive mom wants me to know love and like any parent's wish for their child - wants to protect me from pain.
To be sure you're not hurt again, I swear I'd give my life for you.
Because my birth mother knew she could not care for me, she gave up her life - her wishes to keep her daughter- and allowed me to be adopted, never knowing what would happen to her daughter.
In Russia, my adoptive mother stood up in court, declaring: "I will pour my life into this child." To be sure I would never be alone again, that I would have a family, and know what unconditional love meant - my mom sacrificed her plans for her own life, to give me mine.
I've tasted love beyond all fear, and you should know it's love that brought you here. And in one perfect night, when the stars burned like new, I knew what I must do.
Knowing what I do about my own birth parents, I think their story was one of love. Yet, I can only imagine the heart-wrenching decision she had to make: She could keep her child without much resources. She could have an abortion. Or she could choose adoption, forever relinquishing her rights to her daughter. She knew what she must do - and I am so thankful to her for her decision.
It is the love of God for the orphan, and His orchestration and interweaving of lives, that brought me here today. It is the love of my parents, who felt this peace and love from God so that they approached my adoption, bold and fearless. Their love for me was so strong, they knew they had to go to Russia to bring me home.
I'll give you a million things I'll never own. I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown.You will be who you want to be.You can choose whatever heaven grants.
When my birth mother made the decision to put me in an orphanage, she did so knowing she was giving me the chance to be adopted. The chance for me to have what she never did. The chance for me to get out of Russia, where the future of disabled orphans is grim. By allowing me to be adopted, she gave me the choice to make the most of all the new opportunities I would be given.
When my parents brought me home, they gave me a million things I would have never have had as an orphan. They loved me, taught me, and enabled me to go out and be a voice for other orphans. Now, I can choose what I want to study, what I want to do with my life. I can be who I want to be - not put in the four walls of an orphanage and labeled as "disabled." It is my parents' years of love and work that have allowed me to prove others wrong and show all the potential that is in a little girl with Cerebral Palsy. The Lord has given me a platform and a passion for other orphans.
As long as you can have your chance, I swear I'll give my life for you. No one can stop what I must do. I swear I'll give my life for you.
As the song begins with the voices of both women, so it ends. I am humbled and honored to be a part of both stories. My birth mother's story - who sacrificed her own life and desires to keep her daughter - to give me a chance at a new life. And the story of my mom today - who decided she would give up her own life plans - all to ensure a little girl would have a second chance at life.
I am thankful for the sacrifices of my birth mother in Russia, who like Kim, gave her child a new life at the cost of being together.
I am forever blessed by my mom who raised me and whose prayers have given me the life I have today.
Adoption is a sacrifice. But when the Lord knits hearts together...
No one can stop what they must do.
Below:
Hear Eva Noblezada (Broadway's current Kim in Miss Saigon) sing "I'll Give My Life for You"
Hi Natalya,
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed to see how God is maturing you and blessing you with a powerful testimony of His grace and love. I’m so glad I had a chance to meet you a few years ago at the conference in South Bend, Indiana. I was utterly amazed at your public speaking ability at such a young age!
I can really attest to the validity of the message in your blog about the depth of pain of your birth mother and the sacrificial love that empowered her to give her life for you. I was present in an orphanage in the Philippines to witness a mother just like yours as she surrendered her child to the orphanage and I was privileged to be able to photograph the event so she could keep the memory of her son. I could not stop the flood of my own tears as I shared in the raw intensity of that moment of passion, as if I was the father of that child. The swirling cloud of love intermingled with pain cast an eerie glow of hope, that one day this child would also find a home for good in a loving adoptive family.
Later, when I learned that the boy had been adopted by a family in Europe, I sent the photo to ICAB with a message to forward it to the adoptive family.
Every word in your blog is absolute truth, and every emotion is a testimony of the power of God’s love and grace to give beauty for ashes (Isa 61:3) and to cause all things to work together for good (Rom 8:28) if we simply give Him our pain in exchange.
May God continue to bless and prosper you and add to your testimony and enlarge your borders!
(1 Chron 4:10)
Your brother in Christ.
Gerald Clark
Hi Gerald,
DeleteThank you so much! It is wonderful to hear from you and I am humbled by your words and encouragement. (In fact, the line "Orphans don't want to be orphans" comes from your book). I pray that the Lord continues to let others hear His words through the gifts of writing and speaking He has given me. I can only imagine what that moment was like in the Philippines. It is so easy to think of birth parents as "bad people" for giving up their children - when in many cases, like Kim's, it may be the most loving thing they know they can do for their child.
I hope you are doing well. Thank you again for taking the time to write!
In Christ,
Natalya "Sasha"